Iright calls for a Nairnshire name change

In the light of recent developments Iright is calling for drastic action at the borders of Nairnshire and he forewards his vision of how this should play out (picture on right). It is a good article Iright but considering breaking news in the post above it may be that it is us the punters that have to 'get our act together' instead of the authorities or both sets of human beings in the equal measure. Who knows? Let's wait for the official result of investigations from the authorities. The Gurn calls for a period of calm and a positive attempt to work with the authorities to solve these problems. Let's have a summer of Peace and Love instead of a Summer of Sewerage. Chill Iright, chill, just a wee bit alarmist perhaps? PS we welcome comment from our Scottish Water readers, please e-mail us with anything new. Anyway Judge for yourselves fellow conspirators, here's Irights usual zany take on the situation :

'For decades Nairn has peddled itself as a beautiful seaside town. It still attracts the tourists to it's clean golden beaches, river, paths, and bridges. Holidaymakers stop for ice creams, and eat them as quick as they can walking around the harbour before they melt. Ducks, swans, and even seagulls enjoy the influx as bread and other fast foods are fed to them. On the beach people paddle, swim, windsurf, and get dragged along by kites. Sandcastles are made, dams are built, and parents are buried, all safe good fun. B&Bs put up no vacancy signs, bars, restaurants and cafes are full. At Woolies (Formally Woowarts) shelves are running short in some places, tourists are here and loving every moment, Visit Scotland has done its job. They peer into solicitor’s windows to see if they could afford to live here - the perfect scene? A resident famous film star is about to hold a film festival, there is a jazz festival, Highland games and much more. There is no Tescos but a handful of High Street shops to get your messages But... suddenly this idyll with the scoop of a very large hand is gone. Everyone is baffled, what has happened? Nairnshite, that is what has happened. The cosy seaside town has been transformed into a medieval village with open running sewers. Soon there could be black plague and the Nairn pipe bands will see hundreds of rats follow them up the street. Children play spot the jobbie, and with a wild laugh shout ‘that ones yours’. At every street corner folk are sprayed with disinfectant It would only take a minor alteration to change the signs for the town, so cost would not be high. There is just a chance of course that people in high places could get their act together and make sure our drains and sewers really work then we could go back to being an attractive seaside town? So citizens we have a choice and just like the coming of Sainsbury’s we could all vote with our feet and attend the next meeting of the folk in charge, or will they do something to alleviate the problem very very soon? No doubt the Gurn will let us know first! '